so [TL;DR]

Unexpectedly, I developed a new romantic interest in someone. He plays guitar and piano at church in the worship band, as well as being the lead guitarist in a local band that has toured (and is definitely going places).  

While I’ve always found him physically attractive since I arrived here a few years ago - more a passive “he’s cute” kind of thing rather than my current state - it didn’t result in any mental or emotional romanticism. Luckily, I’ve been able to talk to him a few times, but most recently, at the Super Bowl party we attended last week. We joked during commercials and flashed YOUR BANDMATE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND NEED TO TONE IT DOWN looks throughout the game. And, hopefully unawares to him, I tried with overwhelming difficulty to watch the rather boring game instead of stare at him. 

I don’t know what it was or what happened. Maybe it’s because we finally got to talk for more than two minutes and he seemed so decent, as well as having similar humor and peeves. Anyways, he’s just been on my mind since. Sure, occasionally, I think, “Wow, he has really nice arms. And beautiful eyes. And also that quirky smile with a bit of a gap. And also he’s musically talented.” But, more often than not, I find myself wanting to have coffee with him, or go on a walk/hike with him, or just go somewhere with him where it’s just the two of us and we can talk. I wouldn’t even care if it was just me asking him questions - I’m sincerely interested in just getting to know him because he seems fascinating. (Obviously, it’d be nice if he asked questions in return but I’m not going to get greedy).

I realize this is pretty shallow and there’s nothing to go on, but he’s the first person I’ve even been able to romanticize in the past year and a half.  I’m going to enjoy this while I can; it is, as they say, an exquisite torture. 

That being said, here’s today’s story, which I inevitably will think of until the next time I see him and invest it with unwarranted hopes:

At church, dressed cute on purpose. Received compliments and acknowledged that I tried. Haven’t been able to go in a while since I work at a nursery Sunday mornings. He’s on stage playing with the worship band. The screen is just above him - even while looking at the screen, he cannot be out of my peripheral vision. I try very hard throughout the service not to stare at him as I realize it is very creepy and also if he notices, that will just squash any notions I had. 

But it’s very difficult.

Anyhow, after service, I easily converse with my friend’s crush in efforts to build relations with him, and then assist her in learning how to talk to him (a completely different story). I tease Friend and urge her to simply talk with him as I had, though I acknowledged I could do so because I had no vested interest in him or his perception of me. She did, to my great pleasure; they had a little interaction which pleased her - she didn’t get overwhelmed by nervousness.

Then, as I walked to reclaim my things and… AJKDHAJKCHA. We passed each other. We looked at each other, I tried to affect a small smile, and he walked by casual as anything. Not that he should have done anything, I would just be more excited if it had been more “HEY I NOTICE YOU TOO.” 

I went to my car, pulled out coincidentally behind him. We both had our windows down and blasting music. I pulled alongside him as we were both turning opposite directions - I was listening to a mutually liked band and tried to be normal in just looking for traffic, but I was rather sad he wasn’t coming to college lunch. 

ALACK. ANYWAY. I LIKE HIM AND HOWEVER SHALLOW THAT IS AT THIS POINT I DON’T CARE. I’M GOING TO SAVOR THE FEELING OF CARING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE.

#new interest  #romance?  #probably not  #definitely not  #but maybe someday  #a dream that you wish  #will  #come  #true  #personal  #post  #dumb  #TOO LONG  #SORRY  #RAMBLE  

1. superlockedintheshire said: sounds incredible. haha
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3. feelslikesharks posted this